Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.

For the past several weeks I've been contemplating creating a TOP 5 LIST of my favorite films that involve Christmas but are not about Christmas. At first glance, I thought this list was going to be very easy to compile.

However, the more I kept thinking about it, the harder it became to come up with five films that were worthy of being on my "TOP 5."

After quite some time of careful and frustrating analyzing, I finally came up with my five favorite films that take place around Christmas but aren't about Christmas. I thought that this list would be rather fun instead of picking my five favorite Christmas movies. Something different and unusual if you're looking to watch a movie that involves but isn't about Christmas:

#5. Gremlins

Do you remember the three rules you must strictly follow when in possession of a Mogwai?
(1) Keep it away from bright lights, especially sunlight, which can kill it. (2) Do not get it wet with water. (3) Never, under any circumstances, feed it after midnight.

However, if you break all three of these rules, you end up with an extremely hilarious horror-comedy that takes place during Christmas. I can't recall how many times I've actually seen this movie, but it's been many years and there are so many scenes that flood my memories it's a surprise that I didn't end up one twisted individual. There are so many violent moments in this film that it was apparently one of two pictures released in 1984 (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom) that influenced the MPAA to create the PG-13 Rating. I find it amusing that the two films that tipped the scales for the new PG-13 Rating were both in relation to Steven Spielberg.

Billy Peltzer: "They're watching Snow White. And they love it."

Christmas song that is permanently burned into my brain related to this movie: The film's score is creepy, funny and weird enough to keep me from thinking of one specific song that stood out. However, the more I think about it, "Heigh Ho" does spark a few memories, which is pretty sad considering that it should make me think of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs first.

#4. Lethal Weapon

What better way to celebrate the season than with a movie that practically invented the "buddy cop" genre. This film firmly placed Mel Gibson into stardom and the rest is now history. Danny Glover and Gibson play very well off of each other as the straight-laced older cop who is given a "loose cannon" of a partner with obvious mental issues. The end result is a sharply written script with plenty of laughs and plenty of action, even if the a majority of the story is quite implausible (you could also say the same thing about my #1). However, we don't watch these movies for proper police work and realism. We watch these movies to be entertained, and this one does just that. Glover and Gibson are a fantastic crime fighting duo and you get the chance to to see a younger and thinner Gary Busey before he went completely insane.

Martin Riggs: "This is a real badge, I'm a real cop, and this is a real f**king gun!"

Christmas song that is permanently burned into my brain related to this movie: "Jingle Bell Rock"

#3. Go

I knew I was forgetting this one as well and have to thank Willis for pointing this one out to me as well. Some see this film as a shallow ripoff of Pulp Fiction but I disagree. Go follows the events and the aftermaths of a drug deal during Christmas. The films is split up into three segments and is told in three different points of view. This film is just another shining example of a movie that takes place during Christmas but has nothing to do with Christmas, whatsoever. My cat's name also comes from one of the leads in the film, Ronna. She's quite the bitch but you end up liking her anyways (you can say the same thing about my cat). Besides, who doesn't enjoy watching Jay Mohr and Scott Wolf portray a brilliantly funny gay couple?

[Referring to the Family Circus comic strip]
Todd: "And it's always there, in the lower right hand corner, just waiting to suck."

Christmas song that is permanently burned into my brain related to this movie: None.

#2. The Apartment

I have to give props to Willis for helping me pick this one of out. This film had completely slipped my mind as one that takes place during the holiday season, but in all realization, the most crucial plot points in this film take place on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year's Eve. Jack Lemmon stars in this brilliant Billy Wilder comedy about a man who tries to move up the corporate ladder by lending out his apartment to executives for trysts. Outside of catching the occasional cold (due to waiting outdoors to get back into his apartment) C.C. Baxter has no problems with the trade. He quickly moves up the ladder but runs into a quandary when the girl he's interested in is his bosses mistress. It just goes to show you that having a successful career comes in at a distant second to finding the love of your life.

C.C. Baxter: "Ya know, I used to live like Robinson Crusoe. I mean shipwrecked among 8 million people. And then one day I saw a footprint in the sand and there you were."

Christmas song that is permanently burned into my brain related to this movie: None.

#1. Die Hard

Bring home the holidays in style by killing some European terrorists, blowing up a building all while saving your estranged marriage. What other way would you want to spend Christmas Eve? Bruce Willis stakes his claim (and becomes a household name) with this fantastic action/adventure film that ended up laying the ground work for several stereotypical 1990s genre action films: (1) it opened the door to the large-scale explosion-filled popcorn movies; (2) reinstated the "one-liner" that only seemed present in James Bond pictures and (3) responsible for creating the "action hero" archetype where they had minimal dialog, wearing a few pieces of clothing and always appearing grizzled. Many have tried to duplicated it (including a sub-standard sequel along with a crappy title and the coincidence of being on Christmas Eve yet again) but they all fail in comparison: Speed - "Die Hard on a Bus", Under Siege - "Die Hard on a Ship" and so on and so forth.

John McClane: "Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister."

Christmas song that is permanently burned into my brain related to this movie: "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!"

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

The Ref
Very underrated film involving Christmas Eve as Dennis Leary, a burglar on the run, who takes a feuding married couple hostage. FYI: Language is rather harsh in this one, so watch at your own risk.

Trading Places
I can't remember if I had seen this film in its entirety until earlier this week, but it definitely lands on the honorable mention list. Quite the hilarious comedy starring Dan Akroyd and Eddie Murphy who have their positions in life reversed by the hands of two callous millionaires.

You've Got Mail
This ended up making my honorable mentions list cause I always end up watching it during the holiday season even though the films entire time line takes place from early autumn to the spring of next year. Sorry, it's a guilty pleasure, but I love how Joe Fox (Hanks) slowly and creatively weaves his online persona with his real life persona to make Kathleen Kelly (Ryan) fall in love with both.

Batman Returns
I remember Christmas themes throughout the film and the obvious winter elements that take place. Not sure how much more I can really mention other than it's fun to watch Michelle Pfeiffer in skin tight vinyl.

Rocky IV
The climatic boxing match takes place on Christmas Day. What more do you want from me? It's a Rocky movie... not much else to mention about it.

If you feel that I've failed to mention a film that deserves to be on this list, please post a reply so I can look forward to watching it next year or kicking myself for forgetting it in the first place.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. This will probably be my last post before January, so I hope you all enjoy spending time with your family and friends. Be safe and don't do anything too stupid that you'll end up regretting it later. At least don't do anything I wouldn't do. Other than that, I wish you all the best and I'll see you in 2007.

Until next time, dear readers.

It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms... and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me.

My apologies for not writing as much as I've wanted to these past couple of weeks. I think I've written so much over the course of last month that the tank is a little more empty than what I was expecting. I've started two reviews but I can't get past the second or third paragraph on either. My intentions were good but I'm just having a hard time with the follow-through.

Things will pick up eventually, but this is just a warning that I won't be updating as much for the next month or so. With the holiday season already upon us, I have other matters to attend to that will keep me from writing as much as I want to. Anyone familiar with working in a retail environment (especially a large electronics retailer) will know that this Christmas (oops, I said it) is always the most important time of year for us.

Buddy: "You stink. You smell like beef and cheese! You don't smell like Santa."
Elf (2003)

With extended hours until mid-January, the neverending flow of product and the general hustle and bustle of the season, it can really take the wind out of my sails. I'll be lucky to get anything done at home for the next month if my schedule consists of closing, then opening, then closing... you get the picture. There are more important things going on in my life than this website and I plan to dedicate any and all free time (as long as we can coordinate it) to her.

Anyways, I'm sure that I'll eventually post something before the 25th, but I do hope that everyone has a Merry Christmas if for some reason I don't get around to posting before then. (See, now all my bases are covered in case I do get completely lazy and don't want to post for a whole month.)

Until next time, dear readers.

One-stop shopping; everything you need, right at your fingertips.

My film viewing for the past week or so has been rather interesting to say the least. When I finally thought that I was done with scary movies for the season, I suddenly became interested in seeing some zombie movies.

Now I know what I said before. I don't like zombie movies. However, a few friends at work thought that I should at least watch all of Romero's zombie flicks so I could at least say that I've watched them once.

Once is a very good word 'cause I don't see myself wanting to watch any of these movies again any time soon. I truly feel after watching the five films involving flesh-eating zombies that I've almost become desensitized from the gore. Now that doesn't mean that I want to keep seeing it, but it doesn't have the same effect on me as once before. And I'm not really sure if that's a good thing.

My buddy had all of Romero's zombie flicks except the 1968 original. He did, however, have the remake from 1990. I double checked with another friend from work who couldn't dig up the original either (even though he claimed to own it). So on some level, I feel that I haven't completed my zombie journey through film, but one day maybe I will. Until then, I can always watch the 30 Second Version Re-Enacted by Bunnies. These reviews are also posted in the order they were viewed.

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Night of the Living Dead (1990)
Written by George A. Romero
Directed by Tom Savini

Some claim it to be remade shot-for-shot, but that's impossible considering the fact that Romero re-wrote Night specifically updating the script with a more modern approach and taking the female lead protagonist and making her much more motivated and a self sufficient character (Savini was inspired by Sigourney Weaver's portrayal of Ellen Ripley from the Alien films). Apparently that was not the case with Barbara in the original. Romero asked Tom Savini to direct the film (known primarily for doing special make-up effects from Dawn of the Dead to the present day) who, according to the opinion of most fans, created a competent remake.

The film has a direct-to-video feel to it even though it was released theatrically. Allegedly it was a failure at the box office. The first twenty minutes are rather cheesy with the over dramatized score, goof-ball acting by Barbara's brother and Barbara's screaming every thirty seconds when a zombie pops into view. In 1968 this would have been one interesting commentary on society: While racial tensions were flying high in the 1960s, you have a black man refusing to take orders from a white man and the human nature of man trying to survive at any cost. A truly astounding statement at that time.

Once Ben arrives, the film becomes a bit more serious with his input on the situation and the revelation of what might being going on out in there. The film, aside from the zombies and their make up and a few special effects shots, is mostly void of the blood and guts I was expecting to see. Most of the dialog that's delivered by the cast feels somewhat forced and corny. This film is nothing to write home about but I've seen much worse in regards to direction.

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Dawn of the Dead (1978)
Written and Directed by George A. Romero

Now imagining that I correct my "walking dead time line" back to 1968 when the original was released, Dawn is to be taking place ten years later. There is still an obvious problem throughout the country (if not the world) that anyone who dies will end up rising again wanting to feed on the living. This becomes one hell of a vicious cycle (especially once we get to the end of this series).

Four people decide to leave the confines of a seemingly increasing zombie filled city for something else. What they end up coming across while traveling is a shopping mall. They decide to hold up there indefinitely, while coming up with a sure-fire way to avoid the walking dead who vacate the mall at the same time. However, what they discover is that the zombies still cling to some kind of memory (with what few electrons that are still firing in their brains) but their plans all end up going south eventually.

Several months pass by, and even though they've lost one party member, they seem to be adjusting very well to their secluded environment. This all comes to a screeching halt when a gang of bikers, while scouting out the mall, discover the helicopter on the roof top. What soon ensues is death and carnage while our heroes fend off, to the best of their abilities, the biker gang and the dead that are still meandering throughout the shopping mall.

As dated as this film was (blue make-up for the zombies to establish that their flesh was decaying and the "too red" red blood that seemed to be consistent with most films starting with The Wild Bunch to the mid 1980s), it holds up rather well. It's a bit slow in it's pacing and I found the film hard to follow at first. It didn't seem to properly establish what was going on in the first act before our protagonists arrive at the mall. Romero, even though he's labeled the "Godfather of Zombie Flicks", seems to enjoy writing about the decay of human society when they're presented with something that they can't control no matter how hard they try. By far the best film of the series.

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Dawn of the Dead (2004) (Remake)
Written by James Gunn
Directed by Zack Snyder

This "re-envision" of Romero's 1978 cult classic leaves much to be desired. It is far inferior to the original and is a product of the MTV generation. It completely skips past the initial plot outline of Night and attempts to combine the two ideas into one film. The only saving grace of this film was the casting of Ving Rhames. Anyone caught up in the possibility of the dead coming back to life to wreak havoc on the planet would want a character like Rhames by your side. A no nonsense bad-ass "MO-FO" who can handle himself and isn't gonna take crap from anyone.

The highlights of the film, weighed in contrast to it's faults, don't make it a very memorable picture aside from these parts: Rhames' character communicating with the gun shop owner on the roof top via dry-erase boards (sniper shots on celebrity look-a-like zombies, playing chess, etc.); one of the protagonists worked for Best Buy; Tom Savini has a cameo in both Dawn films; mimicking the original with the decay of human society when put into an extreme situation.

Andre: [to Michael] "Hey, my man... I hear you talkin' a lot, you know, you're always sayin' something... Who the f*** are you, that we should listen? Were you, like, in a special ops unit in the marines? What the f*** do you do?"
Michael: "I sell televisions at Best Buy."
Andre: [to Kenneth] "Hey, officer! How do you like following a guy that sells TVs?"
Kenneth: "About as much as I like following a guy who steals them. I'm not following anyone."

One of the faults of the film is the casting of Mekhi Phifer as the "stereotypical black criminal." The man has the acting chops to handle much more complex roles like in Clockers as well as in the television series ER. Instead he's typecast into playing the hood with a gun who happens to have a pregnant wife with him. Secondly, the introduction to some kind of zombie infant might have been an interesting concept on paper but the final execution on film just doesn't translate.

It's very difficult, at least for me, to find zombies that scary if they're moving fast. That whole I'm-learning-how-to-walk-again-because-I-was-dead-a-minute-ago feel is very disturbing. Zombies who run at full force may be frightening at first (28 Days Later involved people infected with "rage", not to be confused with zombies), but the creepy thing about slow-moving zombies is that they're almost never a threat until they start to grow in numbers. You turn your head for a second and it's still there, attempting to climb the stairs. But if you stop paying attention to your surroundings, you'll discover that he's still there, that he's climbed the stairs and apparently has decided to bring another 25 friends along with him.

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Day of the Dead (1985)
Written and Directed by George A. Romero

A much weaker third act in the entire zombie series, Day of the Dead involves a few scientists grouped with a small band of military officers holed up in an underground facility located somewhere in Florida. Romero apparently was given the choice of having a $7 million budget if he could keep an R rating on the picture. If he chose to release the film unrated, his budge would be cut in half. Romero chose to go with the latter part of the deal given to him by his producers and eventually released the film unrated. (All of Romero's films, except Land of the Dead, have been theatrically released unrated.)

The dead are experimented on by a scientist Dr. Logan, nicknamed by the military personnel as "Frankenstein." Dr. Logan has discovered that even with the most basic of motor functions and the desire to feed even without the ability to digest or process what they're eating, that there are specific ones that are starting to learn and adapt to their surroundings. The "zombie race" that was introduced back in 1968 has apparently been evolving. One thing that is evident throughout the entire Dead series is that the dead will eventually get in to where the living are and wreak havoc in some way shape or form.

The central theme of this film is that humanity is a greater risk to itself than any outside interference. The pacing of this film is much more fluid than it's predecessor but the cheesiness is still very evident. The characters that are the most passionate about their position (specifically the Capt. Rhodes, leading the military and Dr. Logan, leading the scientists) usually deliver most of the labored dialog that makes it difficult to choke down the seriousness of what they are suppose to be representing. It's easier to identify with the "Regular Joe's" in the picture like the helicopter pilots.

Day is also over-the-top with it's violent gore-filled death scenes that arrive at the climax of the film. Outside of a few brief encounters with the blood and guts of the autopsy room where Dr. Logan performs his experiments, the entire middle part of the film is almost gore-free. Romero makes up for it by the utterly disgusting and prolonged zombie feasting scenes before our heroes escape from the carnage.

On a separate side note about the films: If there ever was some kind of zombie breakout through the land, it might be smart to know how to fly a helicopter. It's seems fairly evident that half of Romero's films involve the use of a helicopter and its usefulness in escaping from flesh-eating zombies at the end of the picture.

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Land of the Dead (2005)
Written and Directed by George A. Romero

It's been 19 years since Day of the Dead and the zombie situation hasn't improved. It's been nearly 40 years since the original release of Night of the Living Dead and it's very difficult to put your thumb on the actual time line that Romero is trying to convey. Either way, time has passed and the country (if not the world) is increasing in numbers with it's walking dead.

The story takes place around Pittsburgh (also Romero's hometown) where the current society had been able to create a fairly safe city for the living to reside in all the while keeping the walking dead at a considerable distance. It's the first of Romero's Dead films to involve big named stars and the first to involve CG special effects. The film casts such stars as John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper, Simon Baker and Asia Argento. It also seems to be the only film in the series where the walking dead are referred to as zombies:

Kaufman (Hopper): "Zombies, man. They creep me out."

The people who have survived this horrible epidemic are permitted to live beneath a feudal-like government somewhere within the city. Classes are much more evident in this film and if you have the cash, you can find yourself living in "Fiddler's Green", a large condo building with state-of-the-art security. If you're lower on the food chain (literally), you end up living in poverty or on the streets.

Romero does a fairly decent job portraying how a human society usually ends up functioning when democracy is no longer an option. Unfortunately, with all of the brilliant social commentary made throughout these films, like the additional evolution of the zombies to the extent of organization and a common goal, you have to deal with so much carnage it makes you sick to your stomach. Hence the reason why I don't like watching zombie movies. I can deal with the slow-moving creepiness factor. I can deal with being seriously outnumbered and trying to find a place of refuge. I can deal with going from town to town raiding stores and shopping malls for food and supplies. But once it involves people getting torn in half and being eaten, I've had enough.

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After watching all of that throughout the past week I even decided to borrow The Texas Chainsaw Massacre at the same time (I think that I'm just a glutton for punishment). I first watched the film close to 10 years ago and it didn't seem to scare me or creep me out in the slightest. I rented it back when I really starting getting into movies in general and wanted to watch some of the more iconic horror films.

Apparently 10 years between myself and the film still hasn't had any additional affect on me. I don't insult the integrity of the film itself. The entire ambiance of the film is rather disturbing and there are certain scenes that create a very unsettling effect. The score is unnervingly primal and the false documentation at the beginning before the credits is brilliant. Other than that, the film failed to put itself in the same category as The Exorcist or The Blair Witch Project as one of the scariest movies I've ever seen... of course that just my opinion. I could be wrong.

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After viewing all of the Dead films, I distinctively remember saying out loud to the cat, "Man, I need to watch something with fluffy bunnies in it or something."

To wipe clean all of the creepy crawlies, as well as cleanse my movie-watching pallet, I popped in The Iron Giant. I highly recommend this animated feature directed by Brad Bird, the writer and director of Pixar's The Incredibles. I'd give more of a synopsis, but I'm just plain tired of writing right now and I'm gonna end up spending the next hour re-reading this entire post about ten more times before I find all of the grammatical errors before it finally gets posted.

I also had the opportunity to see The Prestige last Saturday night and was rather impressed. I am, however, in need of a second or third viewing before I'm able to write a competent review. I have two paragraphs sitting on a separate document just waiting to be released at later time.

Until next time, dear readers.

That's a Smith & Wesson, and you've had your six.

Recent Ads for Casino Royale, the 21st James Bond movie, has had me in a quandary to sum up my thoughts on the previous 20 films. You can find the most current trailer here (Quicktime is required and it's beneficial to have a broadband connection).



There has been a huge backlash in the casting of Daniel Craig as the most recent James Bond. I'm only going to make one comment on this casting: He wouldn't have been my choice, but he seems to fit the characteristics of the literary James Bond.

I don't usually pass judgment on the actors playing Bond as much as the film itself. While Sean Connery is my favorite James Bond, Timothy Dalton portrayed the most accurate literary version of the character created by Ian Fleming. I haven't read every book written by Fleming, but I've always come to the conclusion that unless you've read a few of his books, you will never have a clear understanding of who James Bond really is.

I grew up watching Roger Moore's portrayal of James Bond. A few gems came out of his share of the franchise, but they were mostly laden with serious cheese, obvious stunt doubles, horrendous bell-bottom pants and painful over-synthesized disco soundtracks. When I was a kid, I loved those movies. Revisiting them as an adult with a more critical eye, there were quite a few that left a lot to be desired.



Dr. No (1962)
It didn't display all of the elements of a typical Bond film, but it was a great starting block: We get the womanizing Bond, the gambling Bond as well as the judge, jury and executioner Bond. Connery nailed the role from the start and everyone else since him have been playing James Bond in his shadow.
Rating: 4 out of 5.

From Russia With Love (1963)
A classic romantic adventure film with a startling opening of James Bond being killed. Includes the introduction of some of the first gadgets Bond is issued including the briefcase with hidden compartments. Also had another one of my Top 5 Bond Girls, Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi).
Rating: 5 out of 5.

Goldfinger (1964)
By far my favorite Bond film and usually hailed by most fans and critics alike as the quintessential James Bond movie. Talk about gadgets: the Aston Martin DB5 makes it debut with rotating license plates, water jets, smoke screen, radar and ejector seat. Auric Goldfinger (Gert Fröbe) set the standard as the perfect Bond villian, while Oddjob became one of the best henchmen of the Bond Franchise. Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman) starts the list of my Top 5 Bond Girls.
Rating: 5 out of 5.

Thunderball (1965)
Rather enjoyable film as Connery comfortably fills the shoes of Bond once more. However, you might not like me after stating this, but I preferred the remake Never Say Never Again released by Warner back in 1983.
Rating: 4 out of 5.

You Only Live Twice (1967)
This bond film really wasn't my cup of tea. Besides, are we actually suppose to believe that Connery can pull off being Japanese (even for a brief period of time)? I also have a hard time believing Donald Pleasance as a serious villain. The set designs are great but when space is involved in Bond films, I have a hard time suspending my disbelief.
Rating: 3 out of 5.

Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
I know, it's out of sequence, but I decided to group all of Connery's films together. Because of Connery's high fee, the film's special effects budget was significantly scaled back, which was apparent on screen. Let us also not forget the "gay" assassins as well. However, if it hadn't been for this film, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery might not have ever been born.
Rating: 3 out of 5.



On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)
One of the better written Bond films starring "that other guy." George Lazenby does a decent job picking up the slack that Connery left behind. He also ends up portraying the only Bond who gets married to Tracy Di Vicenzo (Diana Rigg), another one of my Top 5 Bond Girls. It's also difficult to see Kojak (Telly Savalas) as Blofeld, the mastermind behind S.P.E.C.T.R.E.
Rating: 4 out of 5.



Live and Let Die (1973)
After Connery turned down the then astronomical sum of $5.5 million to return as Bond, Roger Moore then enters the scene. Weird voo-doo surrounds the storyline as well as introduces to the rest of the world the undeniably gorgeous Jane Seymour as Solitaire, one of my Top 5 Bond Girls. Yaphet Kotto, who portrays Mr. Big / Kananga, stars as one of my favorite Bond villains as well as Baron Samedi (Geoffrey Holder) as one of the better henchmen of the Bond Franchise. Includes one of the best James Bond songs performed by Paul McCartney.
Rating: 4 out of 5.

The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)
One of the corniest of the entire Bond Franchise. Christopher Lee as Scaramanga, his henchman, Nick Nack (Herve Villechaize, also known as Tattoo from Fantasy Island) are anything but to be taken seriously.
Rating: 2 out of 5.

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
A return to form... for the most part. The music is definitely showing it's disco era and the one-liners keep coming but the story is solid.
Rating: 4 out of 5.

Moonraker (1979)
Space + James Bond = Mostly retarded movie. It's sad, too, because I really loved this movie when I was a kid. It's amazing how things change when you get older.
Rating: 2 out of 5.

For Your Eyes Only (1981)
The last decent Roger Moore film. This film also still displays the ever present disco era music but you also come to the realization that as much as Bond is a sex fiend, he's not a pervert. Melina Havelock (Carole Bouquet) also deserves an honorable mention just missing my Top 5 Bond Girls list.
Rating: 4 out of 5.

Octopussy (1983)
Moore is seriously showing his age but apparently can still attract an audience and a pay check. A weak script along with an aging bond are no match for the knife-throwing twins along with a travelling circus and a mostly absurd plot. Sneaking the film score into the flute of a snake charmer, as an under cover agent attracting Bond's attention, was a pretty lame act, too.
Rating: 2 out of 5.

A View to a Kill (1985)
If Moore wasn't showing his age before, he definitely is now. Even having Christopher Walken as the evil Max Zorin can't compete with the butch Grace Jones, Tanya "I scream too much" Roberts and a snowboarding Bond in the opening scene. It did, however, give us one of the better James Bond songs performed by Duran Duran.
Rating: 2.5 out of 5.



The Living Daylights (1987)
A return to the format, the cold war, is always a good indication that James Bond still serves a purpose. Timothy Dalton enters the scene and apparently proceeds to piss off quite a few fans in the process as not being either suave enough, like Connery, or not old enough to execute the perfect one-liners, like Moore. It still produced a decent story and some neat gadgets as well as Dalton being a closer representation of the literary James Bond.
Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

License to Kill (1989)
Dalton returns, pissed as always... except this time he goes rogue and loses his license to kill. It was the first Bond film to be rated PG-13 for excessive violence and seems to lose some of it's charm because of it. Apparently Bond exacting revenge isn't always the best formula to follow.
Rating: 2 out of 5.



GoldenEye (1995)
Pierce Brosnan brought to the roll a fantastic combination of Connery's class and Moore's humor along with his own style. The best bond to hit the silver screen since For Your Eyes Only and it starred the last girl on my Top 5 Bond Girls list, Famke Jessen as Xenia Onatopp.
Rating: 5 out of 5.

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
A much weaker plot involving a deranged media mogul arranging international incidents for headlines and pitting world superpowers against each other. Brosnan still knocks the role out of the park, but the story suffers in the process.
Rating: 2 out of 5.

The World Is Not Enough (1999)
The only Bond film I've only seen once... and once was enough. Horrible acting along with a terrible storyline involving Bond protecting an oil heiress from a ruthless anarchist whose total imperviousness to pain makes him a virtually unstoppable enemy. That and Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist. Um, yeah... sure, completely believable.
Rating: 1 out of 5.

Die Another Day (2002)
Brosnan's final film was extremely over the top but it's execution was superb. Much more enjoyable that the previous, it redeemed itself with an entertaining storyline by having Bond being captured behind enemy lines in North Korea, tortured, stripped of his 00-license and being abandoned by MI-6. The remainder of the film has Bond attempting to exact revenge on who set him up in North Korea all while plays homage to the other 19 Bond films in the process.
Rating: 3 out of 5.

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My final comments about the upcoming Casino Royale...


Martin Campbell is directing, which is good. He directed Brosnan in GoldenEye. The budget for Casino Royale is significantly smaller than the previous three films: $72 million. The budgets for the last three Bond films: Die Another Day $142 million, The World Is Not Enough $135 million and Tomorrow Never Dies $110 million.

Always a good sign when you can make the next picture at half of the last film's budget. It's also pretty smart considering that they have a new star that may not be as bankable as the last. However, Martin Campbell also stated that he wanted to do a toned down Bond film with less action and explosions. Watching the trailer doesn't necessarily back that comment. Oh well, who knows...

Until next time, dear readers.

Flinch and you'll be chasing your head down Main Street!

Woke up this morning to the thought that I was late for work. How messed up is that? It was obvious to my brain that I had been working enough days in a row that it was unable to distinguish days off anymore.

Today was pleasantly peaceful if you exclude the time frame when Willis discovered that our Internet had been disconnected. The weather presented itself as almost uncomfortably chilly and soup was suggested to me when I was planning a lunch date. I had a fantastic bowl of chicken tortilla soup and a grilled cheese sandwich at McAlister's and then spent another hour at Hasting's (a place where us "media whores" like to hang out), buying time in hopes that the dust had settled by the time I got home.

Not so much.

Still rather hazy as I walked through the front door, Willis soon left to prevent the evils of our cable company from coming out and "snipping the wire" for good. I planted myself in front of my pc, unable to check my email, surf the web or play anything that required an internet connection.

I decided to crank out some Boston and play some solitaire. But not just any kind of solitaire, Pyramid Solitaire. Regular solitaire will make me want to put a bullet through my brains (most of the time). Pyramid Solitaire was taught to my at a very young age by my Great Aunt Pattie. If you're curious what kind of solitaire I speak of, please click here.

After winning several games (something I can't seem to do with regular solitaire), I retired to the living room and watched some television. Willis had discovered a while back that the new Sleuth Channel was broadcasting the old school Dragnet series a couple times a week (along with a bunch of other shows that reek of 1980's TV Crime/Action/Drama cheese).

Dragnet was THE SHOW when it came to police procedural dramas. I think that's why I loved watching it so much. It cut through the melodramatic bull crap that existed with almost every other crime drama and just followed protocol.

Not every episode was a gem. In fact, some oozed Grade-A Velveeta® depending on the storyline. However, because it always followed a strict guideline, many episodes broke the mold as being completely original and setting a new standard for police dramas throughout the next 50 years. Another reason why Homicide: Life on the Streets is one of my all-time favorite television programs.

Dragnet first existed as a radio show from 1949 to 1957. Then, when television became all the new craze, it first broadcast from 1951 to 1959. It was then brought back to the air in 1967 and ran until 1970. A theatrical film was also released in 1954 as well as a 1966 made-for-TV movie (which inspired Jack Webb to bring the show back).

A few interesting trivial facts about the show and it's creator, Jack Webb:

• The show's cultural impact is demonstrated by the fact that even after five decades, elements of Dragnet are known to those who've never seen or heard the program.




• At the height of Dragnet's popularity, people would actually call the LAPD wanting to speak to Webb's character, Sgt. Joe Friday. The Department eventually came up with a stock answer to the large volume of calls: "Sorry, it's Joe's day off."




• Episodes from this series were used as training tools by the real-life LAPD.




• Jack Webb would pay $25 to any officer who submitted a story that was used for an episode plot. (That may not amount to much now, but imagine how much that was back in 1967.)




• Upon his death, the badge number 714, used by his character Joe Friday in the "Dragnet" TV shows, was officially retired by the Los Angeles Police Department displayed at the Academy's Museum. (Badge 714 belonged to Sgt. Dan Cooke, the technical advisor.)

The show was revived back in 2003 by Dick Wolfe (Law & Order series) starring Ed O'Neil as Sgt. Joe Friday and Ethan Embry as Frank Smith. After a 12-episode season that rather closely followed the traditional formula (where O'Neil perfectly portrayed the straight-edged no-nonsense Friday), the format of the series was changed to an ensemble crime drama including a group of younger and ethnically-diverse detectives. Now titled L.A. Dragnet, Friday was promoted to Lieutenant but received less screen time and the new re-vamped series tanked and was pulled from broadcast after 5 episodes into it's second season (I'm surprised it lasted that long). This is just a proven fact that you don't mess with a tried and true formula.

Anyways, I've bent your ear enough about a television show. That's just happen to be what was skipping around in my head this evening. Now it's been removed and ever-so-gently placed on this blog site to be remembered forever (or until the server crashes). And as you can see, our connection is back up and running... so have no fears.

Until next time, dear readers.

Happy Halloween!

Thought you might enjoy something light-hearted this year. It's amazing what simple editing can do to change the entire premise of a movie. You probably won't find this amusing if you haven't already seen the film.



Just click on the "play" icon on the bottom left corner.

Witches in days gone by were roasted just like my Vienna sausage.

Attempted to log on to World of Warcraft this evening for a weekly raid I've been attending for the past six weeks. It's becoming very obvious that my computer doesn't like running Warcraft as much as it used to. This is evident by the frequent program crashes over the past week. My plans to step back from the game to do other things that were a little more proactive we're working just fine. I just didn't think that my system would revolt again me as well.

Well, screw this!

I decided to watch The Blair Witch Project this evening instead. Not sure if that was the wisest idea, but I wanted to watch something scary.

Do you remember when your parents used to tell you to "use your imagination" whenever you were given something less than adequate to play with... ? And that is why this film is so damn scary and disturbing to me. Nothing is scarier than your own imagination.

Anyone remember a little movie called Jaws? Why was that shark so scary? Not because you saw it, but that you felt it's presence, lurking under the water. Granted, it wasn't on the screen for almost two-thirds of the picture because the mechanics of the damn fish weren't working. Spielberg used that to his advantage to create one of the most suspenseful thrillers of all time. (If you're wondering why I didn't put that in my "Favorite Scary Movies Post," I consider it more of a summer blockbuster film.)

If you think that the opening sequence in Jaws was unnerving, try reading the first chapter of the book. My sister can attest to that night I got the book. I kept reading her passages for two reasons: (1) I felt that reading it aloud relieved some of the tension it initially created and (2) I wanted to creep her out. I'm sure you can just picture it in your head right now...

So I popped the disc in my DVD player, turned off all the lights in my room and quickly became absorbed by the ambiance that only a small tube television can pull off for a movie like this.

>>> Fast Forward 80+ minutes later >>>

Yep, that movie still gives me the creeps. Still holds up rather well considering that I had not watched the film in it's entirety since it was released theatrically. I purchased the DVD a good three years ago and still couldn't put the disc in until tonight. After the viewing, I took it out, snapped it back into it's case, walked out to the living room and proceeded to tell Will and Melody, "Well, it'll probably be another seven years before I can watch that again."

I had a brief desire to review the film but the feeling quickly passed. Thank goodness for that, 'cause I really didn't feel like focusing on that picture any more than I already did. Additional trivia for the film can be read here, as well as the original link via IMDb.com.

---

Spent close to nine hours at work yesterday. Hadn't worked a Sunday in a good while. I forgot how much work I was able to get done coming in on a Sunday morning, not having anyone bother me so I could research as well as catch up on my paperwork from throughout the week.

After work I stopped by my friend Shawn's and had a couple of beers and a couple slices of pizza while we watched some football and then Halloween. A majority of the viewing experience was peppered with distracting commentary by my friends who slowly filtered into Shawn's apartment throughout the evening. Needless to say, I had not been completely fulfilled by watching Halloween that night and went home to watch 28 Days Later.

Melody joined me soon after it started and boy does that film still kick some serious ass. My scare quota had finally been filled and I could go to bed feeling complete.

Here's hoping, being the grown man that I am, I'll be able to slip into dreamland, successfully turning off that "active imagination."

I hope you all have a safe and fun Halloween tomorrow. Watch out for the razorblade in the Snickers ® bar. I'll be working that night unloading a truck and probably living my own real nightmare of having way too much product and not enough places to put it.

Until next time, dear readers. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

The Power of Christ Compels You.

The Dude's Sister: What, would you say, is your most favorite "ultra suspense" movie of all-time?

That's such a tough question because I always seem to break horror movies into sub-genres. So here is my attempt to break them down:

(I might have lifted a summary here and there from IMDb.com, just to speed things up.)

---

WHERE IN THE HELL ARE MY PANTS?!?
(Movies that scare the pants off of you.)

28 Days Later (2002)
Directed by Danny Boyle
"His fear began when he woke up alone. His terror began when he realized he wasn't."


I think the main reason why I find this film so brilliant and undeniably disturbing is that the premise seems realistic. A powerful virus escapes from a British research facility. Transmitted in a drop of blood and devastating within seconds, the virus locks those infected into a permanent state of murderous rage. The outbreak sweeps across London over the course of a month and lays waste to a majority of the population. Jim (Cillian Murphy), our protagonist, wakes from a coma in a deserted hospital and finds himself searching for any survivors in the now vacant city.


The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Directed by Daniel Myrick & Eduardo Sánchez
"In October of 1994 three student filmmakers disappeared in the woods near Burkittsville, Maryland, while shooting a documentary...A year later their footage was found."


The majority consensus, when it comes to this fim, is either: it truly scared me to death or it was a giant pile of rubbish. This film is the defining compass as to the ability to suspend your disbelief. So much time and effort went into creating a rich history with mock television specials, websites, etc., that it was hard to determine what you were seeing was real or just horse manure. The film thrives on how good your active imagination is and will it have you looking over your shoulder by the time the credits roll?

---

IS THAT A STITCH IN MY SIDE OR AM I BEING DISEMBOWELED?
(Movies that are humorously horrifying.)

Evil Dead II (1987)
Directed by Sam Raimi
"Kiss Your Nerves Good-Bye!"


Sometimes satire is considered one of the highest forms of flattery. This works twice as well when you satirize your own work. Some consider it a remake, others consider it a sequel. Either way, Evil Dead II is a splendid blend of horror and comedy reuniting Ash (Bruce Campbell) with a deserted house in the woods and the Necronomicon (the book of the dead). The result is a laugh-a-minute goofball gore-filled adventure as Ash (armed with only a shotgun and chainsaw) tries to save himself and a set of strangers from demon possession and quite possibly the end of the world.


Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Directed by Edgar Wright
"A romantic comedy. With zombies."


A brilliant British comedy with the disturbing images of a zombie flick. Shaun (Simon Pegg) is a 29-year-old with no real ambition in life, much to the consternation of his friends, family, and fed-up girlfriend. All of these things come to a screeching hault when London is suddenly overtaken by flesh-eating zombies. Shaun, with the help of his loser friend Ed, must now come to the rescue of his mum, step dad and ex-girlfriend armed with only a shovel, a cricket bat and his wit.

---

YOU'LL ONLY DIE IF YOU'RE NOT A VIRGIN.
(Slasher movies with a pre-determined set of rules.)

Halloween (1978)
Directed by John Carpenter
"The Night HE Came Home!"


A group of unsuspecting teenage girls are stalked by an escaped mental patient who murdered his sister on Halloween when he was only six years old. He has returned to his hometown to repeat his crime, pursued only by his psychiatrist, who believes that his patient is the manifestation of pure evil. John Carpenter and his crew shot this film in 21 days with budget of $300,000. Halloween is high on suspense, low on blood and guts and it works. Rumor has it that when the film was first screened, it only received mediocre reviews. After Carpenter added the now iconic film score, it suddenly became too intense for some viewers. Just goes to prove how valuable a film score can truly be.


Scream (1996)
Directed by Wes Craven
"Make Your Last Breath Count."


A teenage girl (Neve Campbell) becomes the target of a killer who has stalked and killed one of her classmates. A tabloid news reporter (Courtney Cox) is determined to uncover the truth, insisting that the man who raped and killed Campbell's mother one year earlier is the same man who is terrorizing her now. Scream made you re-evaluate how you looked at every other horror movie (sucessfully proving the point that if you were a virgin, and in a horror movie, it was a very good chance you survive). With it's tongue-in-cheek dialog, this independent horror film became a smash hit when people realized that you could have just as much fun laughing as you could screaming.

---

DUDE, DID YOU JUST SEE SOMETHING?
(Movies that make you sit on the edge of your seat.)

Alien (1979)
Directed by Ridley Scott
"In space no one can hear you scream."


When commercial towing vehicle Nostromo, heading back to Earth, intercepts an SoS signal from a nearby planet, the crew are under obligation to investigate. One of the crew members is put into a coma by an alien creature while investigating. What follows shortly after is one of the most intense and suspenseful pictures I've ever witnessed. The alien creature proceeds to eliminate every crew member on the ship, one by one. Ridley Scott sucessfully created a haunted house-like film where it made you wonder what would happen next at every turn. The film is also a great social commentary on the evils of commerical corporate conglomerates. It's the perfect mixture of science fiction, horror and unrelenting suspense.


Signs (2002)
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
"It's Not Like They Didn't Warn Us."


In Bucks County, Pennsylvania, a five-hundred-foot crop circle is found on the farm of Graham Hess (Gibson), the town's reverend. The circles cause a media frenzy and test Hess's faith as he journeys to find out the truth behind the crop circles. Many would argue that this film shouldn't belong next to other horror titles. That's why I have sub-genres. While this film has next to no blood and gore associated with it, it does display an extremely high level of suspense. As if corn fields weren't creepy enough already, with the assistance of Mr. Shyamalan, they become the direct source of anxiety and anticipation. I have yet to watch another film involving an alien invasion that seems more realistic than this one here. Plus I can't fail to mention that this was the first film that I can recall making Willis jump out of his seat. That, if nothing more, was well worth the price of admission.

---

I'LL TAKE AN M16 ALONG WITH A CLEAN PAIR OF SHORTS.
(The action-movie scare-fest experience.)

Aliens (1986)
Directed by James Cameron
"This time it's war."


The only survivor of the Nostromo, Ripley is discovered in deep sleep half a century later by a salvage ship. When she is taken back to Earth, she learns that a human colony was founded on the same planet where the aliens were first found. After contact with the colony is lost, she finds herself sent back to the planet along with a team of marines. James Cameron sucessfully writes and directs the sequel and takes the general haunted house premise and turns it into a full-fledged rollercoaster ride. The action is satisfying, the horror is sometimes unbearable and the tension and suspense is unwavering. Once the aliens arrive on screen, the pacing is unbelievably quick and you hardly have time to catch your breath before the picture fades to black.


From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
Directed by Robert Rodriguez
"One night is all that stands between them and freedom. But it's going to be a hell of a night."


Penned by Quentin Tarantino, From Dusk Till Dawn is the story of two criminals and their hostages who unknowingly seek temporary refuge in an establishment populated by vampires. This film is what I call a "half-n-half." Half Tarantino dialog-driven action film, half insane vampire action-gore fest. Robert Rodriguez role didn't end with director on this film. He also was his own director of photography, producer and editor. Any Rodriguez or Tarantino fan should and probably does love this film. It's a has little bit of everything, just like "Benny's World of Liquor."

---

THE CHANNEL CHANGER.
(Movies that you just can't watch ever again.)

The Exorcist (1973)
Directed by William Friedkin
"Somewhere between science and superstition, there is another world. The world of darkness."


Based on the novel by William Peter Blatty (based on actual events) involves around a visiting actress in Washington, D.C. who has noticed dramatic and psychological changes in her daughter. She seeks out help through a pyschologist, who also happens to be a priest. The escalated situation calls upon the aid of another priest, when all hope seems to be lost. The girl seems to be possessed by a demon. The Exorcist is the kind of film that disturbs be down to my core. I've probably seem the film twice in it's entirety and never plan to watch the film again. Coming from a strong christian-based family and background, the film strikes too close to home pyschologically and more specifically, spiritually. That's why I've labeled this film as "The Channel Changer." If I ever come across it on television, the channel is immediately changed. I'm sure everyone has a film that has this kind of affect on them. I can readily admit that The Exorcist is by far, the scariest and the most unnerving film I've ever seen.

Hop in my Chrysler, it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail!

I am extremely embarrassed that I know all the words to "Love Shack" by The B-52's. I can't necessarily recite it verbatim, but if that song's playing, I can sing with it word-for-word. I hang my head in pitiful shame, but I am a product of the 80's. So it's not entirely my fault!

Well, I got to work with a minute to spare this morning. A good 20 minutes into my commute I notice a lowered grey Nissan pick-up truck haul ass down the right hand shoulder on the interstate. I thought to myself, "that truck looks awefully familiar." Sure enough, when I pull into the parking lot, there sits that same exact lowered grey Nissan pick-up.

I knew exactly who's truck it was, and man did he get an ear-full from me when I stepped inside the building that morning. People do stupid stuff all the time. It's a given fact. You are all witnesses. However, when I'm presented the opportunity to speak my mind to that individual, I don't pass it up. The excuse he gave me was that "he was already running late and he was almost out of gas."

It perplexes me how certain individuals think that it's better to break the law, risk the lives of every car driving next to the right hand shoulder and risk receiving a citation (all while listening to "Freebird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, mind you) rather than taking the chance of being a few minutes late.

Where did all this stupidity get him:

Jack Ass Employee #1 Time Clock Punch In @ 06:57 AM.
Yours truly Time Clock Punch in @ 06:59 AM.

Needless to say, I rode his ass all day about that stupid decision. The logic of some people never ceases to amaze me. But I digress...

Brought over a decent selection of Horror / Slasher / Suspense / Comedy movies to a friend's house tonight and gave her the choice of picking one to watch. Now when she reads this sometime tomorrow, she's gonna find out that the one film that she didn't want to watch was the one I specifically wanted to see. She called me out and I denied that I wanted to watch it. I expressed that it was her choice, which it was.

I just didn't realize she had already seen 28 Days Later and didn't really care for it. Oh well. I guess I get to save that one for tomorrow.

She was given the following selection:

28 Days Later
Halloween
Shaun of the Dead
The Blair Witch Project
Evil Dead II
Scream

After a couple of minutes, Shaun of the Dead was randomly selected and then viewed.

So tomorrow, dear readers, expect a review of Shaun of the Dead. It should be posted sometime later in the evening, but if I'm feeling writing drive, it could be completed sometime tomorrow afternoon when I get off from work.

Well, I need to hit the sack for tomorrow comes early and I can't seem to get up on time so I need to get as much sleep as possible. Later this weekend you should get updates on the beard (maybe even a picture) and possibly other commentary on the craziness that which is my life (well, at least sometimes).

What I'm listening to right now:
When I Look Into Your Eyes - Diana Krall
What I most recently watched:
Shaun of the Dead

Snooze Alarms.

I hate snooze alarms. They make people lazy sleepers, including myself. I used to be able to get up at a decent time every morning I worked, but lately, it's seems almost impossible.

Now, because I woke up late, I'm rushed to make my pot of coffee. And to shower. And to get ready for work. Thank goodness I'm bald. Less prep time.

Damn, forgot to clean it out the night before. Argh!

Ok, ready to go to work now... wait a second, it's 34 degrees outside. Oh the joys of warming up your car before heading to work. Now I sit here watching the clock tick knowing that I might be late for work because of the stupidity of drivers. Rubber-neckers really chap my hide. Or people born with the inability to merge properly onto the interstate (freeway, if you're from California).

Anyways, I gotta split. I hope to have a review done for you sometime within the next 48 hours. I plan to watch something scary!

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

There's something about autumn that makes me reminiscent. The sights, the sounds and the smells. All of these things, especially combined, transports my mind to the different times throughout my past.

The temporary cold crisp burn in your nose when you first step outside in the morning. A hot cup of coffee in a travel mug. The dead brown leaves that cover the landscape. Football. Layers of clothing becomes a thought process again. Independence. The almost deafening quiet that can sometimes surround you at dusk. The World Series. Excitement about the new school year has finally worn off. Homework. Halloween. Shorter days mean less time to play. Knowing that the holiday season is quickly approaching and you're not ready for it (nor will you ever be).

I have such a love-hate relationship with the fall. But mostly love. Being able to experience actual seasons for the past seven years has been utterly fantastic. It truly is an amazing feeling when the weather outside correlates with your mental image of the current month at hand. Those who grew up with actual seasons may think otherwise, but you have no idea what it's like to actually have the opportunity to wear shorts and a t-shirt on Christmas day. You might think it a blessing, but I would have to argue the fact.

These past several months in my life have been either very interesting or extremely stagnant, depending on who's point of view. I would have to concur with both. I won't go into detail because those who are reading this already know what goes on in my life. It has been hard to keep quiet about it. However, those that took initiative to ask we're mostly turned away with a response closely resembling: "I'd rather not talk about it or I'll end up putting myself in a foul mood." Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Apparently I never understood the entire "blog" premise. If I had, I would have posted much more than I have. I do intend to be a little more committed to posting reviews in the future. I plan to limit my playing time with WoW considerably due to things never (or hardly ever) getting done (whether it be personally, professionally or spiritually).

I want to expand my horizon by putting my brain to work and writing on a more frequent basis. I often find writing, especially what you're currently reading right now, rather cathartic. It keeps me from ignoring my surroundings and taking the time to evaluate them. I can't very well seize the day if a majority of it is spent playing a gorram video game:

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."
Matthew Broderick as Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

I've strengthened friendships all the while creating new ones throughout the past twelve months playing this game. However, on more than one occasion, I've dreaded logging on to either one of my two level 60 characters on the slight chance of being asked to have them "run through" this instance or help them with "this quest chain" (the penance of being a nice guy in a pretend world, too). I'll say one thing to them all the while thinking something entirely different:

"Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of s**t."
John Goodman as Walter Sobchak, The Big Lebowski.

For those of you that I haven't spoken to in a while, I have other updates as well. October 1, 2006 began the First Annual Best Buy Store #173 Product Process Beard Off. And by "off" we mean "on." Yeah, I know. The name's kinda lame, but we couldn't come up with anything else.

We initially started with at least seven participants. One participant never started growing his in the first place (which the majority of us knew was never going to happen). Another participant quit; who, by the way, came in to the store last week and never ended up growing his either. The last participant to fall short gave in about a week ago. He was quoted as saying, "it was driving me nuts." (It's a shame, too, 'cause his was coming in very nicely.)

Pansies, every last one of them, I tells ya!

There are four of us left now, and unless there is some kind of earth-shattering accident, this beard will hold strong upon my face until sometime around February of next year. All beards grown have to be kept trimmed and clean, displaying proper grooming per the company-wide dress code policy.

I might even provide updated pictures, but that would require requests. That means you need to learn how to register and post comments or you'll never get the chance to see the beard. According to Willis, my beard is currently registering between a 4 and 4.5 out of 5 on the manly beard front. For those of you who have had their interest peaked by rating manly facial hair, I share this link with you.

I have been recently promoted to Inventory Senior back in the warehouse. This promotion has brought a little extra pay back into my pocket and peace of mind knowing I won't be counting and auditing everything in the store come the dreadful holiday season. I'm currently holding down both spots right now, doing a mediocre job with both until they fill my old position. Let's just say that it better be soon.

Lastly, before I end this longer than intended post, my buddy Brandon has finally branched off on his own and has reserved his own blog site. In his first post he's already thrown down the gauntlet to pick back up our reviews of AFI's 100 Years, 100 Movies. His new site can be found here.

Here's hoping that we're both up to the challenge.

Until next time, dear readers.


What I'm listening to right now:
The Bridges of Madison County - Clint Eastwood's music choices are so fantasically laid back, it almost makes you feel guilty for feeling relaxed.
What I most recently watched:
Fawlty Towers, The 'Burbs, Heat, The Mask of Zorro and Heroes.

The day we stop lookin', Charlie, is the day we die.

It's been one hell of an emotional roller coaster week for me.

Lost a good friend at work this week. His position was eliminated earlier last month and rather than stay on, making his life and everyone else around him miserable, he decided to face the music and leave the company.

He was guaranteed a position in the store, even though there wasn't enough labor to support him and two other full-time employees. He knew that if he stayed he wouldn't have the best attitude and he would bring down the morale of his department, possibly the entire store. He took the severance package offered to him and is currently exploring new opportunities. I wish him all the luck in the world.

The next day people said that I almost made a "tear-jerker" speech about him at the morning meeting. I just said what was in my heart. If anyone felt their eyes watering, then they felt it, too. It was rare when someone didn't like Shawn. He was like the class clown, who always knew how to have a good time and cheer up the room. I supervised him as well as worked side-by-side with him. There won't be another like him, that I promise.

I was also blessed this week for my past year's work as a store supervisor. For those who don't know, I stepped down from my position in February because I didn't like where the store was headed with the management in place and felt that if I didn't do something, I would have been run over by the bus headed straight for me.

Then things changed in the store. Managers were fired. Managers were documented. Morale and the overall feel of the store started to change drastically by the middle of March. Additional employees above me were dropping like flies. Then word came down that I wouldn't be able to apply for my supervisor position just yet. The corporate offices put a hold on all promotions while they sat in a room deciding the fates of several people throughout the company (including Shawn's).

Then word came out that we could apply for certain positions in the store. Shawn and I chomped at the bit once we were given the opportunity. The interviews came and went and then we waited. Waited for four additional days past the deadline as to when we were supposed to find out who got what promotion. I finally get pulled into an office at the end of my shift on Tuesday and am told (for the next hour, I might add) who got the promotions and why I did not. Apparently, I lack the leadership skills for the position that I held for four years prior to stepping down. Shawn wasn't even given a reason why he didn't get the position he applied for, just that they went with someone else.

I was fortunate in knowing that I still had a spot in the store dedicated specifically for me. My friend, on the other hand, was given the answer of "you're now a stacked full-timer." Anyone who hears that in my company knows that they're basically saying that you don't belong here anymore, even if you had nothing to do with the current situation. Shawn took that as a cue to leave. I took mine as a hint that there's something better out there for me. And by hint, I mean by a very large kick in the ass.

Spent the better part of yesterday doing yard work. The backyard was so long that it started to seed. That took over an hour with a push lawn mower. I can usually get it done in thirty minutes. I then proceeded to mow the front yard twice. The second time I took mower down even farther, getting it as close to the dirt as possible without killing it. Then Willis went to The House of Self-Loathing to purchase additional yard crap to help kill what we didn't want growing and to seed what areas were in dire need of green in the first place. All this while Melody did a fantastic number on cleaning the kitchen. We then cleaned up the back porch and grilled some hamburgers as the finale to our day.

Oh, and lastly... I hit level 60 with my dwarf hunter, Vonweenis this last Tuesday. The desire to play has been curbed quite a bit and I might be able to pull of some regular posting from now on. I'll still play, but I don't think it will be as often as it was before.

Lastly, I'm not sure if I want to do the AFI's 100 years, 100 movies list anymore. Brandon hasn't made up his mind yet, at least according to the text messages I've received from him recently. First it's no, then it's yes... possibly an issue with his website owner. Who knows. All I know is this: I ran into a technical issue with Guess Who's Coming to Dinner and have been completely off rhythm since then. I'm now debating on whether I want to do something different. Comparing originals to remakes. I kinda enjoyed doing it for my film history class back in college and the current remake of King Kong has again inspired me to do so.

Either way, the longer I sit here, the longer my fridge goes without food. I'm off to the grocery store.

Until Next Time.

He’s the entire country squeezed into one pair of pants.

Yankee Doodle Dandy

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Many words came to mind when this DVD arrived rather promptly in my mailbox on Saturday. Most of those words I probably shouldn’t repeat. For the past week my buddy Brandon and I had been chewing over the fact that if we were going to start reviewing AFI’s 100 Years, 100 Movies, it’d have to start with this one.

Brandon has his own review site (a permanent link is also located to your left under “Other Players”), and hopefully he’ll have his review posted sometime next week. He’s been on the road working, so he can’t post as often as he’d like. This traveling is what has brought him to my humble home on numerous occasions over the past couple of months.

The previous weekend found us searching 3 different video stores looking for a DVD copy of Yankee Doodle Dandy and we (thank goodness) came up short. I think there was a huge sigh of relief from Brandon (as well as myself) when we couldn’t find a decent copy to rent. Hollywood Video was the only proprietor that carried a copy, but my VCR has been decommissioned for several years (and I can’t stand the poor quality compared to DVD). Brandon left for work on Sunday afternoon, safely avoiding the singing and dancing extravaganza for another weekend.

Well, another week had past, and by Saturday afternoon, a copy of Yankee Doodle Dandy laid resting in my mailbox. I renewed my subscription to Netflix on Friday morning before leaving for work, much to Brandon’s surprise. I’ll have to admit that Netflix’s turnaround time for getting your first movie is excellent (just as long as they have it in stock).

Upon arrival, Brandon’s only request (other than to destroy the disc) was that there wasn’t a sufficient amount of beer in the house for the two hour movie. I gladly permitted a beer run and we started the film shortly after.

On a completely separate side note, Warner Bros. 2-disc collector sets of classic films can sometimes be pretty neat (yes, I said neat… deal with it). Some have a feature entitled "Warner’s Night At The Movies", which provides you with a time capsule-like experience on what it would have been like if you had been around to watch this film in a theater back in the 1940s. This one started with a trailer (Casablanca) followed by a Newsreel, a live-action short ("Beyond the Line of Duty" narrated by our future President Ronald Reagan) and finally, a Warner Bros. Cartoon ("Bugs Bunny Gets the Boid") before leading into the feature film.

I called it a 30+ minute buffer delaying the inevitable.

So, after sitting through 30 minutes of World War II propaganda and an amusing Bugs Bunny cartoon, Yankee Doodle Dandy was off and running.

I was rather surprised that it didn’t fall into the general standard definition of what I would call a “musical.” Not that there wasn’t any singing and dancing… because there was plenty of that. However, all of it took place directly on the stage of whatever production that was taking place at that time. These scenes dragged, but they always do when you don’t want them singing, let alone dancing, in the first place.

[For those curious, my general standard definition of a “musical” is as follows: Some jackass who felt it necessary to break out into song (possibly even dance, but not necessary) while in the middle of a conversation, to express his or her mood in order to “carry” the story along, thus destroying any credibility I have for that movie anymore.]

Yankee Doodle Dandy is the loosely-based (and I use that term loosely) bio-pic of George M. Cohan. Cohan was known as "the man who owned Broadway." A playwright, composer, producer, director, actor, singer and dancer spanning several decades in the early 20th Century and is considered to be the father of the American musical comedy.

Born on July 3rd or 4th, 1878 (the date is apparently disputed), Cohan was born into the world of theater and vaudeville and toured with his family, "The Four Cohans" before eventually breaking away, gaining success and bringing his family back into his business on Broadway.

Michael Curtiz, best known for Casablanca, directs James Cagney to his only Academy Award-winning role as the exuberant playwright, who shows off his obvious talents as a skilled singer and tap dancer extraordinaire. The film doesn’t drag. In fact, it moves rather quickly, following Cohan from birth to a childhood actor, then from a pompous self-centered young actor to a stubborn pompous self-centered adult actor. This attitude gets him (and his family) blacklisted from any kind of work throughout the east coast until he decides to leave "The Four Cohans" to pursue his own work.

While reading a brief biography on Cohan, I rediscovered how Hollywood back then (and now) decided to ignore or change additional facts about the man and his history in order to suite the mood of the film. Now we all know that Hollywood takes liberties when doing a "based on a true story" film. This is a given. But when the man who it’s based on, attends the premiere and comments “It was a good movie. Who was it about?”, you tend to wonder how far it strayed from the truth.

Things they glossed over that stuck out my mind are just two basic facts: (1) He was the second born child of the Cohan family. The film states he was the first born. Not that this is extremely important, why would you change it in the first place? (2) George was only married to Mary Nolan. Agnes "Mary" Nolan was his second wife. He was married seven years to Ethel Levey and had two children. He had three more with Agnes, none of which are ever mentioned in the film. These changes, in my opinion, are insignificant. What else did they change that we don’t know about? Read the last sentence of the next paragraph.

I have to admit that I frequently find it hard to choke down the "everything is happy and has a happy ending" films of the 1940s and 1950s. I also can understand that it’s impossible to cram an entire lifetime into two hours. Either way, Cohan had to have more tragedies in his life than just his father dying, but do we get to see anything else through his life’s journey that wasn’t all happy-go-lucky? Not from Hollywood and not in 1942. That’s what books are for.

The film did, however, make me realize how many songs I knew that George M. Cohan wrote, including: "Give My Regards to Broadway", "Yankee Doodle Boy", "You’re a Grand Old Flag" and "Over There." That’s just 4 out of 1500 he wrote.

Other interesting trivia for this film include the fact that this was the very first black and white movie to be colorized using a controversial computer-applied process (I shudder at the thought). It was also the second highest grossing picture for Warner Bros. in 1942, earning a whopping $4.8 million. It was also released earlier than Warner Bros. had wanted. In a promotion to release it on July 4th (considered Cohan’s birthday), they moved it up to Memorial Day in May because of his fight with cancer. It also helped boost the morale of our country and the war effort since the bombing of Pearl Harbor only took place six months prior to it’s theatrical release.

Cohan was quite the patriot when it came to entertainment. His drive for patriotism with his music awarded him the first Congressional Gold Medal presented by President Franklin Delano Roosevelt in 1941 in honor of his contributions to World War I morale.

Classic films like these are very hard for me to review. I tend to only lean one way or the other. I either like or dislike. This one kinda hits square in the middle. Cagney’s performance is fantastic and some of the comedy bits throughout the picture did produce several out loud laughs from myself.

In closing, I’m not sure if I can wrap my brain around why this picture is considered to be one of the 100 greatest pictures, but then again, I only question it because it’s all a matter of opinion. Would it be on my list? Absolutely not. But that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be on someone else’s. I could have easily replaced this picture with another on the list. Apparently there were 400 nominations and then, I presume, members of the American Film Institute voted on these to create the final 100.

As discussed earlier with other members of the house, I’m not completely sure why it’s on the list other than “the contribution it had to the craft at it’s time.” More of a time capsule picture, rather than something that stands the test of time, like Citizen Kane.

I have a feeling that this won’t be the last time I hear that phrase or use it myself.

Now why don't you scrub my nuts or something?

I'm thinking of stealing an idea that was proposed to me last week. My good friend Brandon was in town visiting for the weekend and said that he wanted to do a review of the American Film Institute's 100 Years, 100 Movies. He would start at #100 and work his way down.

Then I told him "why should you do that when you could watch the IMDb Bottom 100?"

How can you go wrong with watching... and then reviewing... Anus Magillicutty ?

Other than making your eyes bleed, I'm sure it's a great cinematic masterpiece.

And the more I think about the horrors of watching such gems as: Santa with Muscles , You Got Served , Leonard Part 6 , 'Manos': The Hands of Fate (translation: 'Hands': The Hands of Fate) , Meatballs III: Summer Job and The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? , the more I'm interested in doing it myself.

But I then realize that my tolerance for pain is not as high as Willis'. Besides, Willis had an idea to do a column (currently unnamed) reviewing $1 DVDs from the bargin bin at Wal-Mart. Or so he said... now they sit in his room collecting dust including the title, Incident on a Dark Street starring William Shatner as "Deaver G. Wallace."

Watching crappy movies is not my thing. I have to be in the mood to watch said garbage, and it usually helps being moderately intoxicated... any beer will do. My current choice has been Red Stripe®. It's beer. Hooray Beer!

Anyways... back to what I was originally posting about.

I'm thinking of starting with #100 - #91 of AFI's list. These are the following films:

100. YANKEE DOODLE DANDY (1942)
99. GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER (1967)
98. UNFORGIVEN (1992)*
97. BRINGING UP BABY (1938)
96. THE SEARCHERS (1956)
95. PULP FICTION (1994)*
94. GOODFELLAS (1990)*
93. THE APARTMENT (1960)*
92. A PLACE IN THE SUN (1951)
91. MY FAIR LADY (1964)

You can find the entire list located here.

Of course, if I do this, I have to start off with a musical. I hate musicals. There are only a select few musicals that I can tolerate. Watching a musical is like torture for me. Every time they break out into song it removes me from the picture and I'm just counting down the time until they finish singing.

This also would involve me either having to go a cookie-cutter video store or starting up Netflix again. However, I could check TiVo and see if it's broadcasting on TCM or something such as that...

... I quickly run and check the next 13 program days on the TiVo and search the word "Yankee" ... no such luck.

Well, this list may have to wait. I'm trying to avoid any extra expenses at the moment. Maybe I'll have to stick with what I have in my collection that are in the first 10 films listed above. Those are marked with an asterisk (*).

I don't know... should I attempt a renewed membership with Netflix? Should I wait for TCM to broadcast? Should I break down and and visit the local Blockbuster wondering if they'll even have a copy in stock? Will Batman be able to escape The Joker's menacing trap this time? Tune in next week. Same Bat time, Same Bat channel.

(Feedback and suggestions are welcome.)

Oscar winner George Clooney, sexiest man alive 1997, `Batman,' died today in a freak accident...

Best line in an acceptance speech for an Oscar. Ever.
Thank you, George Clooney.

Well, I just spent the last 3.5 hours watching the 78th Academy Awards.

Actually, I only spent about 2.5 hours watching it. It's a brilliant idea, to start recording the awards ceremony on your TiVo and then to start watching it about an hour later. A 60 minute late start provided myself (and the other views in the house) a great buffer for anything that we didn't want to watch, like:

• Commercials
  
• Long acceptance speeches


• The three musical performances of songs I've never heard of until tonight


• Skipping catagories that are extremely pointless (or ones that you never saw)

Jon Stewart didn't do that bad of a job... you could still tell that he took all of his writers from "The Daily Show" with him for his material.

Big upset, also... Crash beat out Brokeback Mountain for Best Picture. I can't feel too opinionated over the awards, since I only had the opportunity to see 2 of the 5 pictures nominated this year, so far. I saw Crash earlier last year and Munich back in December (I can't help it if I'm a Spielberg whore, ok).

Anyways, I hope you all had a great weekend. I spent mine with a friend from out of state and away from my pc and World of Warcraft. Shocked, aren't you?

Other things have happened over the past week at work that have made me extremely happy. I'm saving that post for a little later this week.

Maybe I'll even write a review. I have seem some films recently that would deserve to grace this website.

However, until that happens, enjoy what I have. Work comes early tomorrow and I need my beauty sleep... not that it does me any good.

Until next time, dear readers.

I am NOT going to New York to meet some woman who could be a crazy, sick lunatic! Didn't you see Fatal Attraction?

That was probably the only line that I found amusing in Sleepless in Seattle. In fact, it was probably the only scene that I really enjoyed. Nora Ephron's middle act of the "Meg Ryan Romantic Comedy trilogy" (When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle & You've Got Mail) seemed rather bland revisiting it some 10+ years later.

Now don't be shocked... I know it's been like 2 months since my last post. Of the three dedicated readers I had, I've probably lost two of them. Unfortunately, since I feel that I'm one of the three readers I constantly speak of, apparently I now write this blog entirely for only myself.

For the past couple of years I've been addicted to TCM's "31 Days of Oscar." However, this year "Otto Von Weenis" has only recorded a few select films for me to watch. For some strange reason, Sleepless in Seattle was one of them.

(On a sidenote, "Little Buddy", my 3 1/2 year old 60 hour TiVo unit went off to the digital farm in the sky back at the beginning of February. Thank goodness for service plans. In less than 24 hours, "Little Buddy" was replaced with the slightly now-beefier "Otto Von Weenis" 80 hour TiVo unit, recording all of our television shows with the greatest of ease).

Please don't assume that my TiVo is is just randomly recording movies for me (because it could, if I let it). Instead I methodically scroll through the line-up for the next 13 or so days and pick and choose what happens to peak my interest.

For some odd reason, Sleepless in Seattle peaked my interest. I regret the decision, but only after wasting 100 minutes that I could have been using to level my Dwarf Hunter Vonweenis on WoW. (Yes, yes... there is a similarity in names, but only for obvious reasons: Willis and I couldn't think of anything else that worked for naming the new TiVo unit.)

I know, I know... I'm an addict and I'm willing to admit it. However, there have been other things going on in my life that have kept me from posting as well.

There has been (as of late) an ever-present lingering of doom vacating my current place of employment. I've enjoyed the 7+ years I've invested in the company I work for, but the recent leadership has been, shall I say, not up to par. But it's not just crappy leadership, but crappy leadership with the intent of serious repercussions if things aren't done a certain way. No one dare disagree with The Emperor, or you'll most likely regret it. (I had been treading water in this sort of environment for over four months before I decided that I liked being employed more than being fired.)

But on a lighter note, I've recently sensed the winds of change possibly coming from the east and things could be looking up very soon. A couple of my fellow co-workers decided to get all Woodward and Bernstein on their collective asses and the ever-present lingering of doom I spoke of earlier, could be coming to a screeching hault, if they have any say about it.

[Please enter stick and turn counter clockwise into the fecal-infested storm.]

[Rinse.]

[Repeat.]

But getting back to what I was saying earlier... when watching Sleepless in Seattle, I got the cuteness. I got the romance. I got the humor and sometimes clever dialogue. What I didn't get was how an eight-year-old (passing as twelve) could somehow find himself all the way to NYC without someone wondering how? Even if he got on the plane, off the plane, got into the first taxi cab he saw outside of the LaGuardia Airport, and even if he safely arrived at the Empire State Building, how in the hell did he get out of the house and all the way to the Sea-Tac Airport without drawing some sort of suspicion?? That, my friends, is a crock of s**t.

This is when reality kicked in and I was immediately booted from the fanatasy world that is cinema and I eagerly popped the recording to the end and deleted without the slightess remorse.

Anyways, I hope that this now random post is a spark that will eventually rekindle my review site and things might get back to normal.

If not, cherish what you read... you may not hear back from me again until I hit level 60.

Until Next Time.