Castaway

You have been stuck on a desert island, alone, for 30 days. Write a diary entry.

Well, it's now day number thirty and thank goodness I saw the movie "Cast Away." I've learned how to survive on coconuts and spearing fish, but unfortunately, I didn't crash into the ocean with a plethora of FedEx shipments that aren't going to reach their destination. I have no Wilson to talk to, no ice skates to perform dental surgery, and I don't have the partial outside shell to a port-a-potty to replicate as sails on a raft. So, needless to say, I'm pretty much screwed!

You know what's jacked?

As I returned to the customer for a third time, I told him, "It's sixty-one dollars and change, thirty percent off compared to it's original price of eighty-seven."

"That's still jacked," was the gentleman's response to the price not being as low as he was truly wanting. I handed him the hundred-foot spool of high-end home theater speaker wire all the while biting my tongue.

The response that had been stewing in my head was somewhere along the lines of: "You know what's really jacked, sir? The fact that you're more concerned about being forced to spend a hundred dollar gift card before you really wanted to, on speaker wire that you don't believe is cheap enough, while there are forty plus employees that work here who will be out of a job in less than six weeks. Friends and co-workers alike who, unlike you, have to worry about how they're going to provide for themselves as well as their families. People that I care about who have to put food on the table every night. Instead you choose to ramble on about your discontent and how you have to spend a gift card on merchandise that is not pleasing enough to your pocket book."

Over the course the past week, I've had to repeat the same story about the company's collapse, why things aren't cheaper right now, or why we can't accept returns past a certain date so much, that my jaw has had signs of fatigue. My mouth dries and my brain begins to throb when someone, who was apparently reluctant to shop here during the holidays, but is more than inclined to buy more crap they don't need at 10% off, asks the question: "So, when does the store close?"

I reply with, "March 17th, if we still have product to sell. It's all dependant upon that one factor."

"Oh, okay. Cool!" is their response as they waltz out the front door with their small bag filled with hideously bad movies that they were able to get at a stellar 20% off the sticker price.

Now I know that they don't necessarily mean that it's "cool" that approximately 34,000 people will be losing their jobs by the end of March, but could their responses be anymore insincere? I understand that the slang that they spoke was really meant as an "okay, thanks for letting me know" but it sure doesn't feel like it. Instead, everytime I hear that one specific acknowlegement, it's grates on my nerves like fingernails to a chalkboard.

Walls

If your walls could talk, what would they say?

Seriously, can either of you at least make your bed? I understand the clothes on the floor and the failure to vacuum on a consistant basis, but the least you could do is make your bed.

Obama

You find yourself somehow sitting next to Barack Obama on a plane, the day before his inauguration. What do you say to him?

I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal. People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

Love

What human being loves you the most? How do you know?

My wife. I know because she chooses to spend almost every waking hour she has available from work with me. She sleeps with me in the same bed every night, even though I can tend to be a bit of a bed hog (trust me, she has her moments too). She isn't being forced to do these things, she chooses to do them and I see it every day in her eyes and the way she looks at me.

Cry

What is the last thing that made you cry?

The last thing that made me cry was watching the end of Love Actually with my wife on Christmas Eve. Such a touching and real portrayal of life and love. Blended with the The Beach Boys "God Only Knows", the beautiful reunion of loved ones just pulled my heart strings perfectly.

Laugh

What is the last thing that made you laugh out loud?

My wife and I laugh on regular basis. Whether it be a giggle or a full-blown bellowing laugh from the belly. The origin of our laughs is that we are never too serious around each other enough to either lightly make fun of each other or just find general amusement in our surroundings. So, on that point, it's really hard to pin point the last time I laughed out loud since I seem to do it all the time.

History

If you could live for a year at a different time in history, what time would you choose?

Every once in a while I think about this scenario, and I'm always split between the American Old West and the 1950s suburban America. Both are very intriguing to me as both were of a time frame of change in which either our country was expanding to the west, or living a life during the anti-red, pro-capitalism baby boom. I'd probably lean towards the 1950s cause I'm too much of a pansy and I really like indoor plumbing.

Photo

What one moment in your past do you wish was immortalized in a photograph?

There are several instances where I can think of where I'd would like to change or improve the photograph (my wedding as of recent), but the first thing that came to mind was an incident that occurred back in High School. I was falling behind, chasing my friends that were heading home after class. It had been raining pretty heavily and ended up tripping, slipping and then sliding in front of everyone waiting for the bus. I would just like to see exactly how much air I got before slamming back down onto the concrete.

Assistant

If you could hire someone full-time to make your life easier, what would their duties be?

This seems like just a cop-out, but I would hire someone full-time to train our dog. There are certain days that she makes wonderful strides in becoming more obedient, but then there are many days that she defies everything and just becomes too frustrating. Maybe these are just the signs that point to the fact that we're not ready for a dog, but I don't want to give up (at least not yet).

Money

Can money buy happiness?

Absolutely not.

However, having some money after you've found your happiness is pretty nice.

Nickel

"If I had a nickel for every time (__fill in the blank__), I'd be rich!"

I'm sure I said this phrase hundreds of times (for all sorts of reasons), but the one that first comes to mind is when I worked at Best Buy. "If I had a nickel for every time a customer asked me if this would fit in their car, I'd be rich!" The bad part was that nine times out of ten, whatever it was that purchased wouldn't fit. I think what was worse is that I had to make it fit more often than not.

Senses

If you had to lose one of your five senses, which would you choose?

If I had to choose immediately, the most annoying sense at this moment is scent. I love my ability to smell (my wife's lotion she uses, how it triggers some of my most vivid memories), but with the whole "house breaking" the puppy and her too frequent accidents, I'm really getting tired of the lingering odor of dog crap and my living room rug still slightly smelling of urine.

Time

What do you need to make more time for?

I need to make more time for my dog. She's having behavior issues that need to be addressed and there are too many times when I get home from work that I don't want deal with her. Sometimes she's just fine with curly up under the table and taking a nap, but sometimes I need to take her out and go for a walk. I think a lot of these issues will start to disappear if she gets the right amount of exercise.

Waiting

What are you waiting for?

I'm waiting for my car to warm up.
I'm waiting for the coffee to finish brewing.
I'm waiting for the next opportunity to surprise my wife.
I'm waiting to see what the next chapter in our life brings us.
I'm waiting...

Drive

Write about a memorable drive you've taken (with you or someone else behind the wheel.)

One of my most memorable drives in recent memory was the trek back from North Carolina in May 2007. Lisa and I had just recently been engaged. Even though we were somewhat new to the talk of marriage and family (she would say different, considering I had pressed the issue for the previous three months), we spent the majority of the trip home talking about the future of our family and possible children's names.

First Impression

Write what might go through someone's mind--or what you hope goes through their mind--when they first meet you.

At Home:
"Why is his dog attacking me?"

At Work:
"Boy this man seems to be wasting his talents here."

At The Dog Park:
"Why is his dog dominating my dog?"

At The Grocery Store:
"Wow, this guy sure seems to like Cheetos."

In General:
"Such a pleasant demeanor for a large bald-headed man."

Things that shouldn't be done in 60 seconds

After writing my first one minute post, I was inspired to search for other things in the course of 60 seconds. Wading through the bowels of YouTube, I discovered several things that should not be condensed down to 60 seconds.

Enjoy!

The Empire Strikes Back - In 60 Seconds


Alien - In 60 Seconds


Titanic - In 60 Seconds

(I'm sure there are several people who would agree that this version is better.)

Hamlet - In 60 Seconds


Back To The Future - In 60 Seconds


The Matrix - In 60 Seconds

Resolutions

What resolution will you not make this year because you know you'd probably break it?

I'm not going to attempt a strategic diet and exercise plan. I know I won't follow through on it, just like I didn't last year. Maybe if I just slowly start to change what I eat and get out more (aka, walk the dog), I think that I can gradually change myself and stay that way.